He smoothed his lap, smiled and nodded his head slightly while making eye contact with her. Simi knew it was an invitation for her to crawl into his lap. His friend Wale had just left, and they were all alone. Simi got up, trying to appear as calm as possible, walked over to Gbenro and sat in his lap.
“Ah ah, upon all your shakara, he teased as he leant forward to kiss her neck.
“What do you mean?” she asked blushing.
“You have just been acting like I have Ebola, you know, keeping your distance and all” he added stroking her thighs.
“You know Wale was here now”, as she uttered those words she knew that was not the reason she was shying away from him.
In all honesty, Simi did not know where she stood with Gbenro. One minute he wanted her the next she wasn’t sure. He claimed he liked her but did not want a relationship. She found that very hard to understand.
“If you truly like someone you will want to be with the person.” She often said to him trying to get him to see things the way she did but he just wasn’t ready. She was tired, but frankly not tired enough. She always seemed to find her way back to him. She had fallen for him. Everyone could see it but her.
Her friends were right, he had her Mumu button.
The truth is Simi lacked experience. This was the first time she was really into a guy. She literally worshipped Gbenro. She was a pretty girl no doubt but a late bloomer. She had always been one of the tallest girls but seemed to hit puberty after her peers. She was teased about her flat chest in secondary school. This made her feel awkward and uncomfortable around boys. Being pretty she got male attention but not from the guys she wanted. Maybe I am not curvy enough, or too dark, she often thought to herself.
At 19 she had never been in a real relationship. Growing up in a strict Christian family she was told to “treat her body like a temple and be careful around boys.” Growing up in Lagos she was sheltered by her parents who always seemed to use their concern for her safety as an excuse to keep her at home. Being the last of 3 kids and the only girl she was automatically a daddy’s girl. She made good grades to please him and did as she was told. She had always felt like she was not enough and constantly sought the approval of others.
One thing she loved about Gbenro was the way he looked at her; she often wished she could see herself through his eyes. He loved everything about her, even the flaws she could not accept.
He was however, a walking contradiction, he seemed to adore her so much yet could not be with her. Sometimes she felt confident, secure and beautiful around him but when she saw him flirt with other girls all the insecurities came back and she felt this overwhelmingly sad and angry. He could make her feel visible or invisible as he pleased.
“Stop thinking, just enjoy the moment”, he whispered as he leant in to kiss her.
He was always able to tell when she had something on her mind. They had this unusual chemistry, she had never felt anything like it before.
His mouth tasted of whisky and tobacco. She pulled his head closer and kissed him deeply. He pulled back and looked into her eyes. His light brown eyes seemed to complement his honey coloured skin and pink lips.
“You are so beautiful,” he said looking at her like she was the only thing that mattered to him. There it was again, that tingling feeling in her chest. Only him could make her feel this way. She was in control of every aspect of her life except him.
“Get up” he whispered, he took her hand in his and pulled her up. She knew where they were going and her heart sunk. He was leading her out of his living room into his bedroom.
She had a feeling this was going to be her first time. They had always done other things but not sex. Gbenro always seemed to stop himself when he felt things were going too far.
She was a virgin and he had promised not to take her virginity until he was sure he wanted to be serious with her.
Maybe this meant he would finally be serious and make her his girlfriend.
The thought echoed in her mind as she quietly followed him.
At the back of her mind, she knew he was too drunk and horny to stop himself. She had never seen him like this before. He was always so intense but tonight was on a whole new level.
She loved his intensity and they were both so intense; they got high off each other.
They sat on the bed and resumed kissing. His cold hands slid up her short pleated leather skirt, grabbing her butt cheeks. He pulled her closer and she moaned. It felt so good.
A part of her wanted to pull away because she was still not sure if she was ready to have sex with him. She convinced herself she was ready after all they had been seeing each other for 10 months, even though it was on and off she chose to see it as a 10-month-old relationship.
She felt slightly nervous because she had imagined this day several times.
What if it did not live up to her expectations? What is it was painful like her friends told her? What if he did not want to be with her after?
She tried to shake those thoughts off; she tried to enjoy the moment like he told her. Simi was tired of being the “last virgin standing”, she could not participate in the conversations everyone around her seemed to be having. Once again she felt left out and unseen just like in secondary school. It was about time she finally saw what the whole fuss was about.
She took off his t-shirt, “someone’s been hitting the gym” she teased and she stroked his arms gently. They were so toned and were a lot bigger than the last time she saw them.
He chuckled as he took off her blouse to reveal her naked breasts. Just perfect he thought, no bra. He pulled her closer, tilted her head to the side and begun kissing her neck slowly working his way down to her chest. She moaned and at this point, she thought to ask for a condom but hesitated.
They once had a conversation where he complained about sex not feeling good with a condom. He said he could not feel “everything”. She never quite understood how that worked but she decided not to say anything. She wanted it to be perfect for him.
At this point, they were both naked. “Wait” she said to him as she attempted to get under the duvet. She laid flat on her back and he got on top of her.
He just carried on kissing her neck as he whispered, “just relax” under his breath. He could sense she was a bit tensed. He spreads open her legs and in a second she could feel him inside her. It was very uncomfortable; he seemed to be trying to force his way further in but it was too tight. “Ah Gbenro”, she cried.
“Am I hurting you?” He asks as he saw the look on her face. She nods her head slowly like a little shy little girl.
He leant over, opened the drawer next to the bed and pulled out a bottle of baby oil. He poured the baby oil carelessly over their genitals.
The baby oil seemed to help but only a little bit. How come women enjoy this? She thought to herself.
She slowly started getting used to the feeling and just when she thought she could possibly be enjoying this, he pulled her closer and thrust deeply into her. “Ahhhhh” she cried, this time she was sure her hymen was torn for real.
Gbenro kept going like he was oblivious to the sounds she was making. He started thrusting faster. She opened her eyes to see his eyes tightly closed and his mouth open. She could tell he was enjoying this.
Let this be over please she kept thinking over and over again. Finally, he slumped and rolled over. “Are you okay he asked” breathing heavily. “Yes”, she said trying to sound as normal as possible.
She could not believe that this was it. Well, they always say your first time is your worst, she sincerely hoped that way the case.
Gbenro turned his back to her and began to fall asleep.
Won’t he cuddle? She thought. Simi was quite surprised; she felt they were supposed to cuddle after sex. Well, at least that was how she imagined it to be.
She moved closer, putting her right arm and leg over him in an attempt to spoon him. She knew he liked this position.
“I just want to sleep,” he said as he gently tried to shake her off him.
Shocked, she laid there on her side staring at his back. She could feel regret starting to grow inside her because she knew. It finally dawned on her that nothing she will ever do will make him want to be with her. He had to make that decision on his own.
She knew he was never going to choose her. He was way too greedy. He wanted all the girls he could have. She suddenly no longer felt special; maybe she was just another one of the many girls on his to-do list.
She got out of bed, got dressed and left. She could not sleep and felt like there was no use being there, next to him. His snoring was starting to irritate her. Simi walked home feeling sore, She was sure she was bleeding. Her tummy started to turn and she knew it was cause she felt guilty, she had promised God and her mum to wait until marriage. Somewhere deep down she knew nothing had changed for Gbenro, he was still going to do as he pleased not considering her feelings. Maybe she should have waited, it was too late for regret now, she thought.